69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
