the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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