dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
