my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Two words: nipple clamps
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