Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
