girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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