I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
