he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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