Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
