i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
