it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
