Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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