"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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