You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
