I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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