watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
