dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
