Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
