No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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