I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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