new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
