PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
