I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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