got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
