The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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