I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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