i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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