Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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