I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
