just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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