I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
