If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
