If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
