dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
