I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize