Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
