I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think my fart just growled at me.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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