you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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