Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
