I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
