All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize