btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
