She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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