well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
