Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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