dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
