Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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