I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
