ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize