put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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