Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
