Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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