you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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