hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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