there's paper in my vomit.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
