the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
