trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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