Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
