Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
