Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
