Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
