I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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