The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize