apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
