u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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