who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
