also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
