so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
