you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My penis needs a shock collar
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
