"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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