she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
