I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
