Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
